I believe in mentoring

This guest post is written by Roxanne Hoke-Chandler, who is the proud mother of two girls. She is a graduate of Lesley University and has been working for the Federation for Children with Special Needs for 10 years.

Four years ago, I signed my daughter up to have a Big Sister. It was important to me that she see life through someone else’s eyes, who had similar values and aspirations. I asked for a mentor who I thought could help expose and support my theme of education, community and self-worth to my daughter. Sometimes it is helpful for children to experience and learn things from people other than their parents, and we cannot solely rely on teachers – they have their hands full.

As her parent, I wanted more for her. I wanted her to have experiences and good times separate from her sibling who has significant special needs. I wanted and needed help nurturing her own identity. I needed a mentor for her.

When I asked her what type of mentor she wanted, she said “someone younger than you, mom.” I understood that statement. She did not want another mother. Then she said she wanted someone who looked like her. Truthfully, I was grateful she saw the value in that. We have plenty of positive people in our lives that do not resemble our heritage. If she was to bond with this Big Sister, it was really important to me that she was a woman of color.

A year after I made the request, on her 9^th birthday we got the call that a match was found. I was ecstatic for the match, but often wonder how many more children are waiting. I serve as a mentor for youth in my church, and remind young woman to give back and volunteer so that other children will not have to wait so long.

I am grateful to the Big Sister Association of Greater Boston and our Big Sister for being a part of our lives. I encourage other women of color to become mentors and to impact the lives of young children in their community.

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Ebony-Joy Chandler is in 7^th grade at Mother Caroline Academy. Her favorite classes are English and literature. She enjoys babysitting and tries not to spend too much time on the internet unless it’s for school work.

This December, my Big Sister and I will officially have been paired  for four years. I remember when I first found out that we were paired up with each other. It was my 9th birthday when I got a call from the Big Sister Association of Greater Boston. These last four years I’ve  shared have been a roller coaster. We’ve done everything from an intense game of laser tag to simply going to a library to play card games.

Every time I go out with her, I never really know what to expect from her. My Big Sister always finds a way for me to have fun. I think that’s because she has a son. He’s a couple of years younger than me but when we do get to go out together we always have fun. I think that my Big Sister might be so fun because of her son. Because she already has a young child, she knows what children will like. And because I am older than her child, she also gets a picture of what kinds of things he will like when he gets older.

I’ve had so much fun with my Big Sister. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have her in my life. I would forever be at home with nothing to do. I would have never been to a Red Sox game. She has made an impact in my life and I will always be grateful. She helped me make my childhood complete. She taught and showed me things that I didn’t even know were possible. She just ended up changing me in the best way. I love her and wouldn’t trade her for the world.

Why I am a mentor – the truth!

This guest post is written by Lesley White-Buefort, who serves on the Diversity Council of Big Sister Association of Greater Boston

I have a confession to make. I became a mentor as a way to meet people in my new community when I left Bermuda to take a job in Connecticut. My entrée into mentoring was completely selfish. That was around the spring of 2002. Since then, I have been a mentor, one-on-one to young ladies who were court mandated into programs, and young ladies who simply wanted a buddy, confidante or sister of their own. I have also been a mentor in a group setting, teaching basic baking skills to young ladies in a residential treatment center. As selfish as my reasons for becoming a mentor were, I feel like I get more from the young ladies than I give them. To me, mentoring is so very rewarding.

In 2004, I signed up with Big Sister Association of Greater Boston and became a Big Sister to a 14-year-old young lady from Dorchester – a match that lasted, in Big Sister’s files, until she turned 20. I chose Big Sister out of the many mentoring organizations in Boston for one reason: I believe that our girls are special and deserve programming specifically for them. I liked the fact that Big Sister’s focus was solely on girls.

Since I began mentoring, I have learned a few things about myself but more importantly, I’ve learned a few things about the importance of mentors in communities of color. Whether you are aware of it or not, there was no doubt someone in your past, or present that has had a hand in helping you to get where you are today – be it at work, socially, or in an educational setting. I believe that all of us who are able owe it to society to pay it forward.

Young women of color today face challenges in all aspects of their lives. The images they see in the media serve only to reduce their self-esteem. They are faced with bullying, which used to mean someone “picked on” someone else in the schoolyard. However, with today’s advancements in technology, young women, and young men for that matter, face bullying via electronics – a post on a Facebook page or Twitter feed takes that bullying to greater heights. Bullying that was once limited to the schoolyard and maybe the block now has the power to spread across the country. YouTube and other such websites have made it possible for young people to broadcast fights which unfortunately rack up thousands if not millions of hits in a matter of hours.

Studies have shown that young girls with mentors are less likely to be the victim or aggressor of bullying. Girls with mentors are less likely to get pregnant. They are more likely to graduate from high school and move on to college. Girls with mentors are less likely to join a gang or use drugs. Girls with mentors are more likely to become involved themselves in some form of community service.

Rather than volunteer as a mentor, I now sit on the Diversity Council of Big Sister Association of Greater Boston – our mission is to increase the number of women of color in the Greater Boston area. You do not need to be a lawyer, doctor or high-earning executive to be a mentor. You simply have to have the desire to help a young girl grow to her fullest potential. To paraphrase Aibileen Clarke in Kathryn Stockett’s “The Help,” each young girl DESERVES to grow up believing that she is kind, smart and important.

We become so that others become…

This guest post is written by Tameka B. Moss, director at Next Street Talent, for Women’s History Month

Though impossible to list the countless elements of my life for which I am profoundly grateful, there is one theme that has been a consistent thread in my life. I’ve had access to leaders, elders, teachers, and champions who at critical inflection points of my journey have paused to watch, heed, and nurture my mind and my soul. As I reflect on why I, a woman born into a set of circumstances that often derail and crush a young person’s potential and future, get to wake everyday bursting with joy for the life I get to live, all I can do is bow my head in humble appreciation for those who took the time to give, to pour into me.

For example: as I began my sophomore year at Boston Latin School, I realized that though I needed the money from an afterschool job, I wanted an experience that would expose me to business and potentially transferable skills. I began my search in a place where I had received truth, guidance and unconditional love—my small church, Zion FBH. Several of my older female members offered assistance, but my pastor’s daughter, Ro-Adrienne responded immediately. She read the letter I so earnestly had typed asking for their support (of course, I thought if it was typed, they’d be assured of my sincerity and maturity!) and told me on the spot that I had a job! Umm…but I didn’t know where she worked or what the job would entail, yet I was so grateful (and a little scared!).

What began as a simple 10-hour a week stint turned into the most influential mentoring relationship that fostered my growth as a woman of faith, an ambitious professional, a devoted daughter and sister, and a socially conscious African-American who believes that community and connection are the backbone of our heritage (and the component of our modern time that is rapidly crumbling).

Ro Davidson, godmother, teacher, friend, confidante, champion, Pastor — her titles and nicknames are not sufficient to encapsulate all she has been to me…and continues to be. Growing up, I was shy, hungry for knowledge, and more comfortable around books than people. My mother will tell you that I’d cry if strangers spoke to me when I was a toddler. The point: I always felt like the ‘odd duckling’ even within a family and church brimming with cousins, pals, playmates and nurturing hands. By my early teens I had resigned myself to believing there was no one who saw life in the patterns I did, that my cadence would always be “offbeat” compared to others. Not with Ro—she gets me. And because she does, she is able to give me sage, direct advice and feedback — always customized to who I am and my needs but grounded in practical experience.

Ro coached me through college applications and choosing where to matriculate (without listening to everyone else’s opinion of what was best for me). She never weighed in, just supported me in listening to my own voice, learning to stand on my own, and choose my life’s course. When I decided: she nodded in approval and said, “Great. This is the [school] you are most excited about, and I’m glad you are choosing you.”

Every major life decision, professional inflection point, personal crisis — she has stood by me. Leading by example, she has been for me what so few children in our community have: someone who achieved so much but never forgot to lift as she climbed. More than a decade ago, she took up her parents’ mantle as leader and pastor of my small congregation. Who better to shepherd me in my spiritual walk than the one who supported my growth into womanhood? So Ro has become Pastor (or P for short!) to me, but the concern, attention, and love are enhanced by this additional layer to our mentoring relationship.

We become so that others become…if more of us truly believed that there is no greater impact than positively affecting another human life every one of our children could say they get to thrive, soar and excel because they had someone nurturing their dreams, because they had a Reverend Ro-Adrienne Davidson.

Program highlight: Strong Women, Strong Girls

The Red Sox are in the home stretch of the regular season, and our Red Sox Mentoring Challenge is wrapping up for the year, too. Rachel Spekman is the Boston program manager at Strong Women, Strong Girls, another program participating in the challenge.

MMP: Tell us a little bit about your mentoring program and your role.

Rachel: The mission of Strong Women, Strong Girls (SWSG) is to utilize the lessons learned from strong women throughout history, to encourage girls and young women to become strong women themselves. By building communities of women committed to supporting positive social change, SWSG works to create cycles of mutual empowerment for women and girls. I am a Boston program manager, and as part of my role, I coordinate college students who serve as mentors for girls in grades 3-5. I work with the Tufts and Harvard chapters or about 60 students total.

MMP: Why do you feel mentoring is important?

Rachel: Mentoring is a critical skill for building relationships, role models, and developing skills. Per our model, we believe that relationships, skills and role models are essential to helping girls and women succeed. The SWSG model focuses on building these three areas for girls and women.

MMP: Your program is participating in this year’s Red Sox Mentoring Challenge, an initiative designed recruit more caring Massachusetts adults as mentors. Which Red Sox player do you think is the best mentor on the team?

Rachel: Jason Varitek because he demonstrates loyalty having been with the team for so long. He is also very involved in his community and always seems to be aligning himself with different non-profit organizations.

MMP: If you have personally been a mentor, tell us what that experience has been like.

Rachel: I have been a teacher and a mentor in the past and love the individual connections I’ve been able to make. There is nothing as rewarding and fulfilling as making a genuine connection with a child (or adult mentee!) The most important thing people should know about mentoring is that reliability is so critical because your mentee is depending on you to provide feedback, resources, and perhaps structure.

MMP: How can people learn more about mentoring opportunities with your organization?

Rachel: Go to our web site – we just won the Massachusetts Nonprofit Network Communications Award! There are tons of resources, ways to get involved, pictures, and exciting things showcased on our website.

Why I mentor: Lindsay Snyder, mentor at Big Sister Association of Greater Boston

A few months ago, while eating lunch at a T.G.I. Friday’s with Destyne, my Little from the Big Sister Association of Greater Boston program, she asked me why I chose to become a mentor. We were about to dig into the “Brownie Obsession,” this ridiculously delicious, dense sundae, when I said, “Well, because I was so fortunate to have so many mentors in my life, I wanted to be on the other side and give back…plus, you’re fun to be around and I’ve learned a lot from YOU.”

When I decided to become a mentor, I originally thought about it in terms of “paying it forward.” I have been blessed with several strong female mentors in my life, including my grandmother, mother and three women I used to work with at the Crittenton Women’s Union. I learned acceptance and forgiveness from my grandmother, strength and perseverance from my mother, and how to be a dedicated, passionate advocate for nonprofits from my former colleagues.

Now that I’ve been a mentor for two years, I think about the things – little and big – that I’ve learned from my Little – most of all, she keeps me in check. You need that when life gets hectic.

In my current role as the director of external relations & development at the Massachusetts Service Alliance (MSA), I’m responsible for managing the

Lindsay Snyder

organization’s marketing and communications initiatives (including the launch of a statewide campaign this fall!), development and fundraising, as well as MSA’s government relations agenda.

As the state commission on service and volunteerism, MSA supports thousands of people throughout the year who serve as AmeriCorps members and volunteers across the Commonwealth – tutoring and mentoring children, cleaning up beaches, restoring and maintaining trails, building affordable housing, and providing legal assistance to low-income families.

I joined MSA a few months before Congress passed the historic, bipartisan Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act. While it’s been a tumultuous two years since its passage, I feel the movement has grown even stronger…we have banded together with strong partners like Mass Mentoring Partnership and continue to tell our story. It’s made all the difference.

I’d like nothing more than to tell people to get out there. Mentor…volunteer…tutor a child…just do something! For more information on how to become a mentor in the Big Sister program, visit Big Sister Association of Greater Boston. Visit www.mass-service.org to learn more about the role MSA plays across the state.